11. She

11. She

Vast floods can’t quench love no matter what love did,
Rivers can’t drown love no matter where love’s hid,
So when you do find him out
Bring him to my mother’s house.
And into the chamber of her who conceived me,
Then will he know me and then will he see me,
Tell him that love isn’t done!
Tell him don’t leave me alone.

Dark I am yet lovely – Sinead O’Conner

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. 2 Corinthians 13:14

My favourite mystic Paul. The blessing he wrote in his second letter to the church in Corinth is the deepest of seas to swim in. If it was all the Word we had to eat for our whole lives it would be feast enough. The familiar words roll over me, letting my thoughts form in my heart a response as sweet as this blessing:

The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. 

His grace, a light yoke. I roll my shoulders, and wincing at the sharp pang and stiffness, I become aware of the tensions of the day. They have pulled my muscles into knots. I try to help my body rest on the word grace. My mind barely understands grace, but I feel it now fierce and gentle like warm hands caressing my back. I breathe my thankfulness slowly in and out. 

The love of God. 

I have no words for this today, but as I’m breathing and whispering my thanks I feel His smile like sunlight warming me from head to toe. I am loved so well. In that moment I am filled up and in the belly of joy. 

The fellowship of the Holy Spirit

Now this. This stirs me in a different way. Grace I receive. Love I am given. Fellowship I participate in. Fellowship speaks of an invitation, a quest, a band of friends, choices that change everything. 

Whispering my yes to the invitation, I become the twice-freed: from slave to free, from free to friend.

It’s strange to me now that there was a time when I was more in relationship with control than I was with the Spirit that wooed me still. The thought of abandoning myself to the invitation filled me with longing and also deep fear. I heard a preacher say the Holy Spirit is a gentleman. That just felt like polite coercion, and my fear remained for far too long.

Remembering those years, I am arrested by the story of her, and I wish I’d known her then. Maybe the waiting would have been shorter. 

16 Once when we were going to the place of prayer, we were met by a female slave who had a spirit by which she predicted the future. She earned a great deal of money for her owners by fortune-telling. 17 She followed Paul and the rest of us, shouting, “These men are servants of the Most High God, who are telling you the way to be saved.” 18 She kept this up for many days. Finally Paul became so annoyed that he turned around and said to the spirit, “In the name of Jesus Christ I command you to come out of her!” At that moment the spirit left her.  Acts 16:16-24 
She. Bought and sold. A slave to men. Bought and sold daily by the spirit who was worshipped in that place: Apollos, the python-deity with the silver-tongue, peddling through her mouth false assurances for the fearful. Keeping their hearts and wallets close. Twice-slaved is all we know and she moves in the shadow of the story others chose for her.
She, the twice-slaved, is suddenly before me in all her dark loveliness and I am afraid.  I know those eyes. They have felt and seen a thousand deaths and dare me, dare me to look at her. Those inky eyes that make me feel naive and foolish as I stand with a trembling story of love. She knows the ways of men. She knows her power and usefulness to those fearful of tomorrow. 
The city and the market square are the domain of the spirit that uses her. Her mouth belongs to that same darkness and as she walks it watches. So when beautiful feet invade that space proclaiming a story of peace she gives them their marching orders. She finds herself following them and with a loud voice draws attention to their mission and message. “Come see!” She fills the space they created for connection with clamour and conflict.
One with beautiful feet, Paul-the-mystic, was annoyed. We are not told in the story what it was that annoyed him. This is what it looks like to me: he heard her, he saw her, and he hid her. 
Do you see? He turned and addressed the spirit. He made his anger visible and sent the spirit away. He took the attention, the responsibility and the consequence. Her owners were angry, the city was angry, and Paul and his companions were arrested. 
And she? We don’t know. But we do know she was twice-freed. Freed from slavery, and freed from others choosing and knowing her story. Her story is hidden in Him, just as her name is. 
I see her again, “dark and yet lovely as tents of Kedor”, like the beloved in Song of Solomon. Desired deeply by the one who made her this way. I see her hidden and guarded in Him. Her inky eyes twinkle as she speaks with a tongue that tells the future : “the day is coming when you will know the depth and richness of fellowshipping with the Holy Spirit.” 
Her encounter with liberation, recorded in the book of Acts, illustrates powerfully what this Holy Spirit is not, and never will be: 
Not one to use us or trade us for gain; no capricious puppeteer. You are invited, not conscripted, dearly beloved and yearned for. The Holy Spirit will wait for your yes.
Fellowship is defined in Webster’s dictionary as a company of equals. In John 15 Jesus said, “I no longer call you servants… instead I have called you friends“. Friends, equals. These are words that my heart longs for but my head struggles to grasp. They shape and change my knowing of myself and the 3God I love.
Paul-the-mystic blesses me by reminding me of the invitation to fellowship with the Holy Spirit. Her story in the book of Acts helps me figure out where to start this adventure. She guides me. I begin again like she began again: by finding I have been hidden in Him. 
Grace. Love. Fellowship. 
Truly, I am blessed

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